When it comes to family and friends I prefer to be a little more controversial. I don't say any of the following in a mean way, they are just jokes. I don't give anyone too hard of a time because they were after all just being polite. I also realize that most people that say god bless you aren't even aware of the words they are saying; it's probably more of an obligatory remark as uncontrollable as a sneeze to anyone raised to be polite. The main reason I don't just say gesundheit or thanks and ignore the topic is specifically because people aren't aware of what they are saying. If you are just robotically repeating something that you don't even believe is it really politeness? The majority of people that say god bless you don't actually think that god is going to take time out of his busy schedule and perform a miraculous exorcism of the offending dust particle in my nose. So if they don't believe it, why say it? There are many ways to be polite regarding sneezes with out invoking the power of a god. For some generic things to say from various languages and some general info check out this wiki article. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sneeze
Here are some phrases I have said to friends and family when they say "(god) bless you" to me after I sneeze.
Are you sure you are qualified to wield that kind of power? I'm going to have to see your license.
Woh, careful with that, I'm allergic.
Ahhhh, it burns! (Followed by me running around and flailing about�)
Don't you think god has more important things to worry about?
Can I re-gift? I'd rather one of the starving kids in the world have his blessing.
Can I choose which god? I like Loki, he's funny.
No thanks, but thanks for the offer.
Thanks, but I'm full. I had a big breakfast.
Thanks Allah
Things I say when someone else sneezes. I try to avoid the awkward silence following a sneeze by replacing it with an awkward religious comment.
Our Father, who art in heaven, bless this child for he hath sinned against you. Cast out the evil spirit and protect him from evil (sometimes said in the kneeling position or at least with my head bowed down and my hands clasped; always said very dramatically and serious.)
God bleeee… god bleeee… god bleeee…hmm, god won't let me say it.
My authority having been revoked I must instead only wish you good health.
Bob (or dog) bless you.
High five! (Insert Borat voice here)
Ewww, you got your soul on me.
God damn you! Oh wait, is that how you are supposed to say it? I get so confused by your human customs.
That's really all the ones I'll say, or at least versions of those. I don't get up in arms about this or anything so don't take this as an angry atheist post. It's really all in fun. It doesn't even end at the god part, as I think it's funny that we say anything at all. So the next time you are around a sneeze whether it be your own or someone else's consider having a little fun with it. Don't be afraid to step out of the societal mold.
I love this list!
ReplyDeleteThis is something I think about almost daily right now, with allergy season about. Okay, so gesundheit means good health; that's probably going to have to be my default.
I like the one about Loki especially. Perhaps there are Flying Spaghetti Monster or Invisible Pink Unicorn customs?
In the excellent book "Parenting Beyond Belief", Penn Jillette tells us in his essay that around his house when someone sneezes they say, "'that's funny,' because it is."
Yes, as far as I know, gesundheit is just good health. 9 out of 10 times that is what I say. I like to also say god bless you for other bodily functions to trivialize the odd practice of blessing sneezes.
ReplyDeleteI'm reading "Parenting Beyond Belief" right now. Sneezes are funny. I like the Seinfeld one as well, "You are soooo good looking".
Not sure exactly what the FSM custom is. There is this song from my childhood.
On top of spaghetti,
All covered with cheese,
I lost my poor meatball,
When somebody sneezed.
It rolled off the table,
And on to the floor,
And then my poor meatball,
Rolled out of the door.
It rolled in the garden,
And under a bush,
And then my poor meatball,
Was nothing but mush.
The mush was as tasty
As tasty could be,
And then the next summer,
It grew into a tree.
The tree was all covered,
All covered with moss,
And on it grew meatballs,
And tomato sauce.
So if you eat spaghetti,
All covered with cheese,
Hold on to your meatball,
Whenever you sneeze.
I'll have to dig around and see what I can find for the FSM and the Pink Unicorn. That reminded me that I wanted to link to the FSM from my site.
Oh, and glad you like it! I aim to please. If ever you aren't satisfied just let me know and I'll give you a full refund of your money. :)
ReplyDeleteI've thought about that a bit, too. I usually say "gesundheit." It sounds pretty natural to me, since I grew up in Pennsylvania pretty close to Dutch Country (my great grandmother even spoke Pennsylvania Dutch, though I think it's only the Amish that speak it now). I don't hear "gesundheit" near as much here in this part of Texas. Come to think of it, it's only other atheists I've heard use it.
ReplyDeleteI'll also say "salud," which also means "health."
I have family in PA, and my mother grew up there. Gesundheit was pretty common in our house, about equal with bless you. I still find myself unconsciously saying bless you. It makes me feel quite silly. It's true not as many here in TX say it.
ReplyDeleteI like salud. If I can remember to say it I'll add it to my list of non confrontational sneeze responses. Wow, mouthful of words in that last part of the sentence.
This is an old post, but I've been looking for discussions on photic sneezing since listening to a podcast on the subject by neurologist Louis Ptacek
ReplyDeletehttp://www.mrscienceshow.com/2010/08/ep-135-why-do-i-sneeze-at-sun.html
I live in France, a very secular country, where no one would invoke the name of the divinity. The usual response to a sneeze is... nothing at all, or possibly "à tes souhaits" - may your wishes come true or something like that.
The most common response I get though is something like "How come you always sneeze when you go out into the sun ???"
That would be nice to not be blessed all the time for a silly sneeze. Lately my coworkers have even taken to adding a god bless you after my gesundheit for other people's sneezes. It's like god has to be apart of it, and anything else isn't good enough. Truly weird. I've often thought about moving to other less religious countries. Maybe if money weren't part of the equation I would.
ReplyDeleteIt can be hard for an ex-religi to break out of wanting to say something. Also, it seems socially polite for most people to have their bodily functions acknowledged.. So, I have two pre-school aged kiddos and we say "Gonzo!" (because of his nose, if it is not obvious)
ReplyDeleteThis lets people know we are politely acknowledging their sneeze (why that is necessary.. I do not know,) without bringing supernatural content into human body functions.
That's cute, I like it. I've stopped almost all comments besides gesundheit, it's usually just not worth mucking up the system. I do say god bless you to farts, burps, hiccups etc as a counter balance. I do wonder if someday all bodily functions will warrant a god bless you all because of an atheist joking way back in the 21st century.
ReplyDelete